So over the course of Battle Dawn's years, many couples have been broken up because of this game. To help these people in dire need of serious counseling, I am opening my counseling offices here. In order to save time, you need to post your case in this format

Name:
Name of partner in relationship:
Why the break up/conflict occurred:
Do you like coconuts:

Take this entire process very seriously, and Dr. Kenny M.D. A.W.E.S.O.M.E will be right with you. If I do not respond, here's some lobby music as you wait.



And like God's final words to mankind, I shall say: "Sorry for the inconvenience."

Name: Callum

Name of partner in relationship: Deanna

Why the break up occurred: Games > Female company

Do you like coconuts: For years I have asked myself this question. Debated, discussed to the edge of the earth and back, hell I even made a blog about it. I feel that simply 'liking' coconuts is in a lot of cases not enough, quite simply put. Coconut milk is used in curries and being a member of the fine nation who's rule stretched across all oceans (Britannia RIP), I am obliged to love a good curry and/or kebab after a pint. However, for years as a foolish child I simply found coconut too sickly (whether due to my underdeveloped tastebuds I will never know), however these days I feel I can stomach it better - in fact I just finished a piece of chocolate cake with coconut *things* on top, and to top off my point about food I (Want to be allies? Sometimes I like to pretend I am a princess riding a pony..) love bounties. That being said, coconuts are hard and I've seen cartoons where they hit people on the head and it looks kinda painful and apparently around 150 per year are killed by falling coconuts (OPEN YOUR EYES TO WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS HIDING). With how lethal coconuts are, despite their unique and sweet taste, I have to say I dislike coconuts.

My name: Hero
Name of Partner: Kenny
Why the break up occured: He verbally abused me daily and called me very mean names. He then tried doing dirty things to me. I tried to stop him, but he's pure evil

No, Kenny used to throw coconuts at me and make me eat it, even though I despised them.

I see Callum. Have you ever stopped to think of the number of other useful things that Coconuts can be used for? They may be lethal, but their uses are unlimited.

About your girl, exactly how did SHE feel about coconuts, and how did you respond to all this?

You poor man Hero, have you ever thought of approaching the police, or quitting Battledawn? Obviously you wouldn't meet people like this if it weren't for the fact you play this game.

You fail to see the usefulness of coconuts my dear sir, and that is why finding a meaningful relationship is such a struggle for you.

Name: stevie
Name of partner in relationship: jobs
Why the break up/conflict occurred: is
Do you like coconuts: died

I do see, while in times I find that the philosophical effects are indeed intriguing, you must also not discredit any emotional trauma endured. My good sophisticated man, I do pronounce you as a man with deep intellect swelling with the wisdom of many an old man. While hearts break, they do mend if you surround yourself with good companions who cherish the same idealism and character as you do. Buck up and play a good amusing game of "burn the Numair" with some very well known acquaintances who share your rye understanding of the world. Perhaps drink some very nice whiskey and chase the girls on the street with your dashing monocle and revered cane. I may only leave you with what you deserve, good sir.



I wish you speedy recovery, and give you the milk of the gods in order to mend such a broken heart.

Ta-ta good sir.

Name: Jake
Name of partner in relationship: Ferr3t
Why the break up/conflict occurred: Idk, he just abandoned me
Do you like coconuts: No, Coconuts killed my Father my Grandfather and my Dog Rover, who did not die from the Coconut to the head but it did knock him unconscious where he was hit by a bus

Name: Zachariah Russell Medaris (proud of the name, sweety)

Name of partner in relationship: Jillian

Why the break up / conflict occurred: Her tits were not large enough to draw my attention from the computer. I'm guessing I'll need a girl with more sex appeal before they can win me over from this infernal (yet oddly addicting) machine.

Do you like coconuts: Funny you should ask.

This one time when I was 7 I bought a coconut from the grocery store with my allowance. I had (and still do have) this huge fascination with fantastical and magical things. Back then, I was quite convinced they were all possible. I thought the coconut was the famed mascot of Hawaii, so if I could gather the spiritual energy of enough of my friends and somehow shoot the coconut with a concentrated blast, I could open a portal that moves through dimensions and into Hawaii using the coconut as a corporeal medium.

The idea was that I would outline a huge circle with badass drawings inside and these little pictures that looked like magic runes all throughout the design, and use this to transmogrify the spiritual energy into a bullet and shoot the coconut with it. It was a pretty terrible circle (and I mean that the circle was more of a mutated oval), and the drawings made absolutely no sense, were not symmetrical at all, plus the runes looked like poorly drawn Kanji, but I didn't care because it would work anyways.

When I told my friends about my master plan, I got a lot of odd looks and stuff. Some people even had the nerve to ask me if I was crazy, to which I replied that they're just jealous because now they'll be dis-included from the transdimensional trip to Hawaii for insinuating that their Supreme Leader was somehow disconnected from reality. Some of my friends showed up on the big day, anyways, however. Their excuse was that they 'had nothing better to do', but I knew they wanted to teleport to Hawaii. Who doesn't?

When everyone was gathered into a circle around the circle and its fruity resident, I managed to convince them to dance to "I Like To Move It, Move It" by Reel 2 Real in a tribal style around the circle. We were all having fun, but after about 15 minutes of dancing like idiots around a coconut in the middle of a poorly drawn circle that looked more like Satan's calling than a portal-summoner (though they could easily be confused between one another, such an amateur mistake), motivation began waning. Bribes of delicious sweets and promises of first-picks on future adventures only get you so far.

Eventually, I realized that I was either not spiritually / magically strong enough to summon an inter-dimensional portal, I drew the circle wrong (this was quickly dismissed as impossible), my friends were too weak, or the coconut was not ripe enough.

So no, I do not like coconuts. They refuse to take me to Hawaii, so why should I give them my praise?

Name: Tenkai
Name of partner in relationship: OmegaXII
Why the breakup/conflict occured: he's always violent threatens to stab any and everything. he also wanted to chomp my head (not the one on my shoulders!)
Do you like coconuts: *paces for a bit* can a turtle fly?