Still my hill
I gaze upon the hill. Snow and ice covers it's surface, a sure reflection of the coldness of it's owner. I hesitate. Wait, the still sane part of my mind thinks. Is this what I want to be doing? 'Snap'. Insanity takes over and I begin the treacherous climb through ice, hail, snow and for some reason the remains of the cast from Back to the future. When I get to the top, I see the tyrant himself. Jake, surrounded by.... clones of Ilona? I see them fanning him, putting fine wine near his mouth so he can sip it, and holding up a recent issue of teen vogue he seems to be enjoying. Anger gets the best of me and I rush at him with almost superhuman like speed. He immediately sits up and screams 'Coward, you have come to your death'! I then say 'no, perhaps you've just came to yours' or something witty like that. He grabs his banhammer. He walks over, and the earth pounds. I try to ease myself by making a fat joke but it's to no avail. He slowly raises the hammer and.... STRIKES DOWN! I run as fast as I can, barely escaping death. With an employment of moves from the matrix and superhuman strength only mentioned now, I grab the banhammer and raise it above Jake's head.
Employing my best british accent I say,
'How does it feel now, mate?'
And crush Jake into a fine powdery substance. That substance later became known as splenda. My hill.