Alright spammers. Apparently you guys like reading what random stuff I like to post from time to time called epic posts. Really, they're just stories I come up with when really bored. I'm really bored. So Zach and I will tell some stories, including 7 objects/words. We've been challenged to make our first story include:

Tomatoes, Strawberries, Jasper(Alexander), Simmen, Numair, the little boy down the hall and Futurama.

Spammers, I'd like you NOT to post in this topic. This topic is purely for Zach and I to put our stories in. I will get mods to enforce this. I'll make a separate topic for suggestions.

Suggest stuff here

Laugh at this stuff here

I'll start my story in my next post.

Kenny was floating in space. Kenny was unsure exactly what he was doing floating in space, but here he was, floating in space. He pondered and pondered while floating in space, but he could not come up with a logical conclusion. This was, of course, until a logical conclusion materialized right in front of Kenny's face. There it was, the logical conclusion to solve the mysteriously mysterious mystery that Kenny could not quite comprehend. This logical conclusion was, of course, a singing tomato. The lyrics were sweet in Kenny's ears, like children laughing and playing. The words were unclear but soothing, and so Kenny dozed off into a nice slumber. It was nice to be sung sweet nothings to by a singing tomato. This was a perfect explanation for why Kenny would want to float in space like that, and Kenny purred in quiet delight.

However, the tomato stopped abruptly and began screaming like a banshee. Out from the stars an unstoppable hoard of strawberries made its way to the singing tomato with murderous intent. Kenny gasped. Kenny gasped so hard that the gasp Kenny produced had its own gasp, which in turn created its own gasp, until Christopher Nolan came from the sun riding on a walrus and created the movie: Gaspception.

Kenny's gasp surprised the unstoppable hoard, but they continued on. They were unstoppable, so they did the only thing they knew how to do. Not stop. Kenny was prepared for this, and screamed. Kenny screamed so loudly the veins bulged on his neck ever so slightly that they seemed furious. The blood within the veins began growing hot, so hot that blue radiated from the blood itself. This heat generated such a furious anger that the adjective furious blew up and recreated itself into catastrophic. This adjective pleased the noun anger, so that the words became catastrophic anger. They also had many kids during this process, one named Vengeance, and the other named Murderous. Vengeance and Murderous materialized out of thin air and created a wall so immovable, that it became known as the Immovable Wall.

When the unstoppable strawberries hit the immovable wall, the entire universe exploded, creating simultaneous big bangs. Thus, the entire universe was recreated. Again. Kenny was yet again viewing the expanse of nothingness. Alexander had just finished his catnap to view what had happened.

"Dammit Kenny!" cried Alex, "I leave for a second and you blow up the entire universe...AGAIN! What the hell am I supposed to do with you? It's not like I can kill you, or break off our eternal marriage."

Kenny batted his eye at Alex. "Baby, go in the kitchen as I recreate the world again."

Alex was enamored by that look of the eye. He purred lightly and looked at Kenny. Oh, that wonderful look reminded him of why he married Kenny in the first place. Suddenly, Alex shook his head.

"I would do that if you didn't blow up the kitchen while you were at it! No, you're not creating the universe alone this time." Alex fumed.

Kenny and Alex began their recreation of the universe by recreating the hierarchy of Spam again.

The first being to be created was the "King of Spam" His name was Simmen. Simmen was an interesting creature. Part pony, part human. He gasped at the site of the blank world, but knew what to do. He began rapping in Norwegian, creating much controversial organisms everywhere. His offspring include 100s involved with BD today.

The next being to be created was the "Prince of Spam" His name was Numair. Numair was an odd one, but he ran around on fire yelling for help. Kenny smirked. Kenny burned Numair. Of his offspring were many.

Weeks went on as the new universe was created. Kenny smirked. It was a wonderful universe, so wonderful that the smiles Kenny had filled the entire universe, so in precaution, Alexander made another universe to house them all in. The only person not included was the little boy down the hall. He cried and cried, so very much that the vast oceans and rivers of the insignificant blue-green ball were created. He donned the Forever Alone face and was later named Malek Khanafer. Alex became angry and threw Malek into the waste universe, where Aister and other spammers currently reside.

Soon, this entire scene came to an end as Kenny created a show to satirize everything that conspired during this creation. This show was called Futurama and historically categorized everything of importance.

Alex and Kenny made sweet kitty love as they flew around on their naked flying giraffe named Ponk. This was a great new universe indeed.

The End.

Super-Special Tomato Surprise

=====

Zach was busy doing the homework that he never does because he had nothing better to do. It was a bright and sunny day, with lots of birds chirping and bees buzzing (get it?), so it didn’t make much sense that Zach had decided today was the day he would do his homework. It was an especially bad idea because an event such as this was sure to offset the balance of nature and the universe, thus resulting in a ruined sunny day from impossible showers and raging hurricanes or something.

But this was irrelevant; Zach was determined to be responsible for once in his miserable life.

All of a sudden, Zach decided he was hungry and needed nourishment. Rising from his position on the floor because he has no tables to speak of due to being a poor bastard, he made his way down the stairs, into the kitchen, and to his fridge. Opening the fridge, Zach was met with a sight that caused him much displeasure:

There, within the badly lit and probably not completely working fridge, sat a tomato... and nothing else.

With no other choices to soothe his starving mid-section, Zach took the tomato, and returned to his room. Preparing to slice the tomato into rather fine, more enjoyable... slices, Zach brandished a knife of the carving persuasion. However, much to his displeasure (again), something odd happened.

The tomato talked.

Well, it didn’t exactly ‘talk’ in the visible sense. It was more like that situation where you hear a voice in your head, and it’s all echoey and distant-yet-near. It was really strange. But how did Zach know it was the tomato that spoke to him? Because the voice said only one thing:

“I am the tomato.”

Normally, this might freak some normal, boring person out or something, but Zach was not normal, and he liked to think he was not boring (up for debate). So instead of screaming like a little girl, Zach blinked a bit, and then some more. And then he did this thing where he blinked... again.

At this point, he had blinked enough that his brain managed to register the situation, which allowed him to open his mouth and let out a resounding, “Huh?”

“I am the tomato. I am the tomato that just spoke to you this day. Heed my words, mortal, and kneel in awe of my absolute amount of awesome and godlike qualities.” The tomato uttered, rather intimidatingly.

“I’m sorry, but you’re a tomato that I was about to cut into pieces and stuff in my mouth. What is your ground?”

“Quite simple, actually. I’m a supernatural tomato, therefore I’m obviously powerful to some degree so you should automatically assume I will destroy you in some fashion if you refuse to do some kind of bidding I’ll be placing upon you sometime in the near future.”

Zach blinked again. He always had a problem with authority, but in most situations he couldn’t do anything about it (police with batons, bosses with toupes and short fuses, etc.). So when a situation like this presented itself, he decided he would stand up and take control of his life for once. He would pick up the tomato and slice it to bits as he had originally planned. But when he started reaching for the tomato, much to his displeasure (this was getting old), the tomato spoke again.

“Wait! Do not cut up and eat me! I admit, I don’t have any incredibly unique and deadly abilities. However, I contain within me a large part of the soul of one ‘Alexander’ whom you know from some crappy MMO that you play on the internet. If you cut up and eat me, you might as well be murdering and eating a friend of yours!”

“Well, that would largely explain your attitude.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind...”

Zach paused and thought this idea over. Murdering Alex... and then eating him. It was an interesting idea, and one he had mulled over in the darker parts of his days... more the first part, but the second part was admittedly a nice addition.

He decided that he would get some advice.

=====

1 hour later.

“Why did you call me over here?” Numair asked.

“Because. This tomato claims that it is possessed by the soul of Alex, and I’m not sure what to do with it. Therefore, I called on the only other person that would put up with me for advice. Now, advise.”

“I did not say ‘possessed’, I said that the tomato contains a-”

“Yes, whatever, shut up.” Zach cut him (it? her?) off.

“This is far less important than Futurama night. I was watching the episode where Bender goes on a self-realization quest.” Numair said impatiently.

“Oh, you mean the one where he gets stranded on that island with primitive robots and then attempts to conquer the world of technology?”

“Yes, that one. It’s a rather good episode, so I was hoping to watch it without being interrupted...” Numair said sadly.

“Ahem...” Came a rather ghostly clearing of throat.

Zach and Numair suddenly remembered they had a crisis on their hands.

“Wait, you said it’s possessed by Alex? Why didn’t you just cut up and eat the tomato anyways?” Asked Numair.

“I was debating that. The only problem is that my mouth has an issue dealing with nasty tastes, and I have a bad feeling about what the soul of Alex did to this tomato in terms of flavor.”

Numair understood his point. But something wasn’t adding up...

“How is it possible that you’re possessed by the soul of Alex? Doesn’t he need his soul to... ya know... live?” Numair asked slowly.

“First of all, the tomato contains a large part of his soul, it is not possessed. Secondly, Alex is dead.”

“He’s dead?!” Zach and Numair asked in unison.

“Yes, quite dead. An unfortunate mishap concerning Alex, Simmen, an abnormally large cucumber, and a kind fellow named ‘Julio’ resulted in the simultaneous demise of all three... or four, depending on how you look at it.”

Zach and Numair shook their heads slowly at the same time, processing and accepting the information as nothing out of the ordinary, and moving forward.

“Okay, all of this is well and good, but I still have no idea what we should do with this damn infernal tomato.”

Numair thought for a moment. Then he thought some more. After much thinking and continued thinking (rattling his brain and causing him to get a bit dizzy), Numair came up with a plan... and a brilliant one!

===

27 minutes and 9 seconds later

The boy down the hall had been a little taken aback by his neighbor, Zach, appearing at the door with a scruffy looking homeless person. The boy down the hall didn’t much like Zach; he was odd, and always seemed to be looking over his shoulder. However, Zach had a tomato on hand, and was offering it as a gift.

“Think of it as a thank you present for being such a great neighbor!” Zach had said.

The boy down the hall was even more stranged out by the fact that Zach seemd to be constantly telling the tomato to shut up and, “Just deal with it because I don’t want you.” But the boy was in need of a fruit at this moment, so he decided to just accept the tomato and ignore the inherent weirdness that gushed from Zach like an overwhelming waterfall of WTF.

The boy down the hall had been drawing up designs for cross-breeding different fruits in order to create new superfruits of epic proportions, and then animate the fruits into his own army of super soldiers. His first experiment, which involved strawberries and some other fruit (apparently a tomato, now, since that was the only other fruit he possessed), had been put on pause due to lack of a second fruit. But with his brand new tomato, the experiment was back on and ready to go.

Before beginning his experiment, the boy down the hall thought he heard cries of help and pleas for mercy. But, being a man of science and a non-believer of the supernatural (such insolence), he dismissed it as imagining things. After all, the boy down the hall was quite aware of the fact that this gruesome experiment would probably result in a horrible and painful death for any normal person, and was probably causing delusions of inhumanity in the form of small, screaming voices.

But, lucky for him and a single unfortunate soul, this was just a tomato. Nothing more. Just an ordinary, normal tomato that couldn’t feel a thing. Such luck for the boy down the hall.

Alright, so Zach and I were challenged by another 7-word prompt by Simmen. We chose this one because it includes coconuts, and I quite like writing about coconuts.

The Eiffel tower, A giant blueberry, Bodybuilding penguin, cookies, The kitty god, Norwegian rap, More cookies, coconuts.

I shall start my story tonight, if I don't finish it will be posted tomorrow. I'm a fast writer though so I think I'll finish tonight.