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 Post subject: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 6:41 am 
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write up time... 1 hour 40 mins. - 2 hours. a good 20 mins was spent figuring out how to remove some to fit the 800 word limit, instead, i hit roughly 1300, cant be helped.

gave up and wrote my written explanation.

note the following story is NOT child friendly, viewer discretion is advised as it does deal with some pretty shocking issues
this was due two days ago :P, the task was to write a creative story dealing with the future. BUT IT MUST HAVE A HUMAN ANGLE.
since we were watching blade runner, and studying Maus (graphic novel on the holocaust). i just stole ideas from there as i ceebs thinking. hence the lack of vocabulary.


The Cleansing

By ------------- <- no real name :3


Prologue
“Time is 0700, date is June 6 2092. This is mission control, you are free to create and enter the wormhole.”
“That is affirmative, radiation sensors locked, passengers all seated, first live test of wormhole jump for a distance of 2 kilometers, begins in 3, 2, 1…”
A distort in space appeared, the colonizing spaceship disappeared with loss of communication. It was a warm up wormhole jump a mere 2 kilometers in distance in preparation for the longer distance jump that was to happen. Instead, contact with all passengers on board was lost and the spaceship wasn’t seen again. This was not the first nor would it be the last time this happens, but expansion was necessary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A planet discovered in 2392 was found to have hominoids that are heavily mutated and are considered hostile, termed ‘ghouls’. The decision by the leader of the Intergalactic Union (I.U.) to cleanse the planet through fear of hyperactive viruses was passed in 2393 and a small army was sent to ‘clean up the planet’. Among those was a veteran soldier, Katario, he had seen much in his life, large scale space battles above the planet ‘American Enterprise’ to guerilla warfare in the dense jungles of planet ‘China’s Dream’. Katario had done much to ensure peace and harmony was kept under the leadership of the democratically elected representative of the Intergalactic Union. This was the fourth such planet deemed ready for cleansing, and like the previous three a small specialized task force considered extremely loyal to the faction of the government was sent in, their code name, FOX. They have full clearance and were always there as military personnel and yet did nothing during the fighting, although they roused suspicion, they were still on the good side. The excuse was that their may be I.U. controlled ships that were lost in the area and throughout the first three cleanses, no ship was found nor was FOX’s action reported.
“Orders are orders, follow my command, sweep through their nests and eradicate all. Avoid the bodies as you may be the host to hold the next hyperactive virus that destroys humanity. Remember boys and girls, without their heads, they are powerless, ensure them a quick death.” Katario, quickly issued orders to his squad to cleanse his section. So they went, pulse rifles out, ion-pistols out, door by door, they gunned the people down in the village. They were primitive but showed signs of intelligence, they had little huts, men, women and children had holes bored into their heads and bodies. Katario participated in the cleansing. Stepping into a room, he shot a grotesque looking figure then as he moved into the next room, a younger ‘ghoul’ ran out towards the shot figure. Tripped and landed awkwardly on Katario, his reflexes instantly performed the action of two shots in the chest with his ion pistol. With its last breath, the younger ‘ghoul’ crawled towards what would be its mother and managed to hug the dead body before rolling over for breath and dying. Katario raised his pistol to ensure death but saw nothing but innocent grey-blue eyes, tear filled and seemingly alive. He paused and looked around. His men were liquidating the village on his orders, the inhabitants dead, the buildings were being razed. Bodies were lying on the street.

Katario quickly ordered his men to move on, haunted still by what he saw. The eyes of the child ‘ghoul’… they were human eyes! Interrupting his thoughts the scouts he sent returned with a peculiar piece of information, a colonizing ship was found. Preposterous, misinformation and probably a novice call by the scout, Katario decided he would discipline him later for inaccurate reporting, but for now; he may as well check the report en-route.

“It’s a Class B colonizer, serial number 203BQR.” It had aged through time and was now a mess; plant life had grown and covered it which would explain why it wasn’t detected from the outer space scan. Katario could not believe what he had found, standard procedure required that he report the find back, intriguingly, it was the FOX government sanctioned team that reported to check out the find. Katario ordered a perimeter set up while he investigated the find with two other men. It was indeed a colonizing ship. Records show that it was the colonizing ship that went missing June 6 2092. Katario pulled the power lever and was surprised that the ship still functioned but remembered that the colonizing ships were designed to crash into planets without autopilot and still remain intact and functioning. He went to see the hologram logs. Inputting the code, a man lay down on a floor in his vomit and various fluids. An intravenous drip was attached but it was clear he was dying.
“I am dying, the wormhole calibrations were wrong; we were travelling through the wormhole for an indefinite amount of time until finally one of the technicians brought us out of the wormhole. Such a trip was far longer then the ship was designed for, radiation levels obtained to all passengers are fatal. The cryogenic embryos will survive but have extremely mutated phenotypes; their appearance would be unrecognizable if they survive at all. Autopilot has kicked in and is already using what little power left to issue a distress signal and to land on any semi hospitable planet. Tell my wife I loved her –“the man then vomited explosively for half a minute before lying still either dead or too weak to turn off the video. Fast forwarding five hours, Katario decided that he had died.
“Sir, incoming bogey, 8 clicks out, not responding to our requests, it appears to be the FOX team, but their vehicle of choice seems unusually over the top for a report of a colonizing ship.” It suddenly hit Katario, the first ‘cleansing’ was probably an accident. The government in power needed to cover up such a mess otherwise their career and entire party would be ruined. The FOX team on the first cleansing was routine practice, probably for some different military mission, they must have killed entire two or three squads when they found the colonizing ship to keep the secret. After destroying evidence, they had to maintain the secret on other cleansings, a find such as a colonizing ship would open the entire party for war crimes. And so it went, three cleanses later, it was Katario’s turn. The government would condemn fellow humans to death in order to cling to power; something told Katario that their ‘democratic’ election was rigged.
“Incoming FOX team is deemed hostile, fire at will, I repeat, fire at will. Withdraw within the colonizing ship for cover if possible,” Katario gave the order knowing that their rifles would be ineffective against a vehicle specifically designed for taking out entire squads probably without damage. Guerilla warfare within the hardy colonizing ship would give him enough time to…
The first missile launched hit the sniper nest; a rail gun mounted on the hover vehicle proceeded to cut down his men as they ran for the colonizing ship, pulse rifle shots bouncing off the exterior hopelessly. Although their headsets could communicate with each other, communication to other squads was jammed, but the distress signal could be utilized to send…
The FOX vehicle dipped low and unloaded twenty men before rising and providing cover fire. As the unit approached and entered the colonizing ship.
“This is Katario, acting commander of squad 42; I give this message from within colonizing ship Class B, serial number 203BQR. We are under attack by I.U. sanctioned forces; they approach in hope of destroying evidence of four genocides, the race termed ‘ghouls’ are unfortunate humans that have gone through the earlier warps without protection against the radiation. Their blood is on my hands…
The FOX team moved mercilessly, their unit was designed for this; thermal goggles gave them the location of every hiding soldier. Their legs moved quickly and quietly as they fanned out over all points of the ship.
“…for I have killed. These people are human on the inside; we term them non human by what is on the outside. Expose the corruption, expose the lies, the I.U. has been infiltrated by members that have no soul. They have not seen what I have seen. Did they kill a child for trying to reach their mother? I may be a monster, but they are the monsters without heart. My end is now and I am sorry.” Katario sighed, the message was sent, his duty was done, and the door to his control room was getting broken down. Grabbing two grenades, he armed them and opened the doors allowing the FOX team outside to come in…

Fin.


Written Explanation
The role of soldiers in the future can vary from time to time. Some stories depict fantastic space warfare, while others like 1984 by Orwell depict the WW10 just like WW2, many men with weapons slugging it out. I had drafted two ideas, the one that is shown here, and another where cyborg soldiers are ordered to commit crimes against humanity, while they get convicted and charged to death, the people who ordered such killings continue to order such killings. In the other draft, I was going to copy Blade Runner and show how robots can be more human then human as the “assassin robot” sacrifices himself rather then kill his designated target and the target’s family.
The name “The Cleansing” alludes to the holocaust which has been looked at in class. It touches upon notions of what is human, humanity in general, politics and morals associated as well as foreshadowing and reference to the holocaust. The prologue was designed to be mysterious and leave more questions then answers. In reference to Blade Runner; it mentions how expansion was necessary. It would appear that all current planets owned by humans are full and that expansion is necessary to accommodate more.
The opening paragraph states how Katario was a soldier and how politics is like 21st century politics, only bigger in scale. The mentioning of the planet names show how the space race changes in nature to which country could claim the most amount of land the quickest and the only two super powers mentioned are China and USA. Information given about the FOX team is mysterious. FOX got its name from the common fox, as they are stereotypically sly which matches the backstabbing of their own countrymen. This is further compounded by irony as they are termed to be on the ‘good side’ which is revealed to be completely false. The next paragraph shows just how human the ‘ghouls’ are and just how little at the time did Katario think of them as human referring to their huts as ‘nests’. Although physically unattractive, the imagery of the child reaching for its mother was an image designed to invoke empathy rather then just sympathy. Later the shocking realization made me change the ending from him getting interrogated for information and them revealing the government’s plans to do this to ‘another 20 planets if need be’ to a heroic war ending. The ending is plain but it is not described word for word allowing the reader’s imagination to take over.



total word count with written explanation = 1886 words.
-Ducky
you may not plageurize directly, but the fundamental ideas are not mine, hell even the mutated human idea came from me reading the wiki page of killzone.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killzone

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:40 am 
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~double post

you guys suck, no comments :(

no..

"DUDE THAT SUCKED"
"meh"
or
"i thoroughly enjoyed that"

can someone close/lock/delete this unless someone posts?

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:05 am 
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Please refrain from double posting ;)

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 3:33 pm 
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wow long story...

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 7:17 pm 
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isidor772 wrote:
wow long story...


no thats whats called a short story since it can be read in a short period of time

it was pretty cool tho I must say

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:01 pm 
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Zudamar wrote:
isidor772 wrote:
wow long story...


no thats whats called a short story since it can be read in a short period of time

it was pretty cool tho I must say

i agree. that is what we call a passage not a story.... a story is much much much much etc. longer.... what u wrote is a passage to a story.. so if u add 100000000 words it might just be a story....

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:00 am 
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it is a short story... i could easily double its length in a flash...

in fact i refrained somewhat when i had in mind that it had to be under 800 words with a 300 word written explanation :/

ended up with 1200 word story and 500 word written explanation.

but this is nothing in terms of length.

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 7:46 pm 
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Ducky that was a vert nice (short)story.I did beel however that the use from other passages i read left it a bit unoriginal but the idea of putting it all together does give you points.I look forward to reading more of this story if u are willing to make more.

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 Post subject: Re: OMG ITS A STORY
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 11:14 am 
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Praetor Fenix wrote:
Ducky that was a vert nice (short)story.I did beel however that the use from other passages i read left it a bit unoriginal but the idea of putting it all together does give you points.I look forward to reading more of this story if u are willing to make more.

nope, im too lazy... i do have an actual novel (OVER 9000 WORDS!!! (min)) in progress
i have a prologue and chapter 1 done as an adaption to this one.

i also have another one which is far less sci-fi and more (in 10 years) which prods at social changes around the world when china gets more power and begins to involve itself in conflict (intro, prologue, half chapter one, rest is planned somewhat roughly)

other then that, i only dump things that im forced to do. i ceebs getting sore hands from typing for 2 hours to produce something unoriginal. and i ceebs even more thinking an idea for 2 hours and typing for 2 hours to produce something innovative and original but far too time consuming.

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