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 Post subject: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 3:46 am 
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CHAPTER ONE: MOURNING



it was a sunny day in Ellesmera. Two elves were having a playful conversation. It was ranging from anything from the birds in the sky, flowers, even the length of a dwarf's beard. One of the elves was a woman, fair faced, with dark hair and emerald eyes. Even among the elves she was considered beautiful. She was all smiles, laughing and having a good time. The man was tall, handsome, with silver hair. He, like the woman was having a good time. The pair seemed to be meant for each other. The man had to leave, saying he needed to tend to his father, who had just had a seizure. Before he left, he sung the woman the prettiest flower she ever saw. The two shared their first kiss.

Arya awoke from her dream, tears in her eyes. It had been two days since Oromis, her final memory of Faolin, had died. It had been two days, since she and Eragon had slain Varuag. Each time she had attempted to sleep this dream had appeared to her. It has been almost a year since Faolin's death, and now I have lost my only reminder of him, besides the flower he made for me. How I miss him. I still remember that dark day. She thought.

Arya got up, unable to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, she noticed that her mother had appeared in the mirror of her tent. In her last visit to Ellesmera she and her mother had reconciled as best they could. Her mother, having lost Evandar, was able to sympathize with Arya's loss. Like Arya, Evandar's death had done to her what Faolin's did to Arya. Islanzadi had been cold-hearted with everyone since the king's death. Her inability to get over his death partially was responsible for the argument that had separated mother and daughter for many years. Islanzadi, knowing how much Oromis meant to Arya, being Faolin's father, and a father figure to Arya, had done her best to comfort Arya the last two days. After many years of coldness though, there was only limited success.

"Hello mother," Arya said with a tired voice.

"How are you doing my daughter?" Islanzadi asked with uncharacteristic maternal concern.

"You know as well as I do." Arya answered with tiredly, "I have not slept well these last few days."

"It will pass in time." The queen tried to say soothingly.

"But how long will it take? I was starting to finally open up about my loss of Faolin and then Oromis died. It has opened up a painful wound. At times I wish I had died with him." Another tear fell from Arya's eye. Her mother looked at her daughter and touched the mirror as if she wanted to touch her daughter in her time of need.

"My daughter, you must be strong. So long as Galbatorix is alive we must not let these trials overcome us. To feel defeated is to surrender to the dark king. However, we must also not forget our feelings. There must be someone else you can converse with in the Varden to help cope with the loss. Someone who can understand you. Perhaps one of the twelve elven spell casters with you. Or Eragon perhaps, as he was close to Oromis as well. How is he?"

Arya thought about what her mother had said, realizing that for some reason, she could be more open with Eragon then anyone else. Eragon had not taken the death of his master well."In the same state as myself. At the moment he is flying with Saphira. He has not slept since he left Ellesmera."

"Perhaps the two of you can console each other. Like you, he cannot let this wound fester. Arya, I must leave, Lord Dathedr is giving me a report of what was in Gil'ead, along with a casualty report." And then the queen disappeared.

Arya sighed, and left her tent, not wanting to attempt to go back to sleep. She wandered around the camp outside Feinster and noticed Saphira returning with Eragon on her back. Arya inquired on how the dragon and rider were dealing with their loss.

Little one is not doing so well. He spoke little when we flew, and it did little to cheer him up. Saphira said to Arya. Perhaps you should speak with him.

It took 20 minutes for Arya to reach Eragon's tent. As she suspected, he was uneasy, sitting outside his tent. He looked tired, worn down, and had stubble on his chin. He looked miserable. Arya approached Eragon. They exchanged the Elven gestures for greetings.

"Arya, what brings you here at this hour?" Eragon inquired to her. Arya was not sure how to phrase her next statement.

"I...wanted to talk with you." She said dumbly. Eragon's eyes widened.

"About what?" He questioned.

"Oromis...Eragon he meant alot to me." She said sadly.

"As he did with me as you well know." Eragon answered her. He was still looking down into the ground, his gentle brown eyes glossy and downcast.

"Has Glaedr said anything?" Arya gently asked. She was curious how the mighty dragon was dealing with the fall of his rider, and his body as well.

No, he is still in mourning. Saphira said. Arya had expected as much. She then looked at Eragon.

"Do you think you will be ready to march in a few days?" She herself was not sure of the answer she would give if Eragon had asked her that same question. He shook his head.

"I don't know Arya," He said bluntly. Arya looked at him with care now. Perhaps more care than she had ever shown him.

"Eragon, you cannot keep acting like this. Tomorrow is our last day of rest before we march for Belatona, we must be ready to leave. We can't wallow in our despair much longer."

"I will mourn for as long as I wish. No one has been stung by this death more than I." Eragon said tersely.

Arya was angered at the ignorance of Eragon's statement.She slapped Eragon. "Eragon! Oromis was like a father to me! Also, Oromis was Faolin's father!" She felt hot tears start to fall from her eyes.

Eragon looked at Arya, his right cheek red and puffy. He twisted his hand over his chest in a sign of respect.

"I am sorry." Eragon said shamefully."Oromis and Glaedr must have meant a lot to you...especially since you have nothing left of him." Arya knew he was inferring Faolin.

"Aye, I miss them both. When you were not training, Oromis and I often talked about him, though it did little to quell our pain. Faolin was his last memory of his mate, who had died 20 years before the fall. My father died not long after I was born, and seeing Faolin so often, Oromis was like my father." She answered. Eragon then took a deep breath.

He then started to tell her what he had meant to say by his statement."Arya, what I meant to say is, Oromis was like my 3rd father. He was a great teacher, and was patient in my impatience. And now Galbatorix has taken away all three of my fathers. And I am responsible for all of them."

"Eragon," Arya said, now having calmed down, tears in her eyes, "You know that is not true." Eragon looked at Arya with more sadness in his eyes.

"I never told you how Brom or Garrow died did I?" She shook her head. "Arya, it was all my fault the both of them died." He started to choke up and Arya knew he was on the brink of tears once again. "If I had been more careful with Saphira, perhaps the Ra'zac never would have targeted my home. And if I had been less ignorant of how weak I was when traveling with Brom, perhaps I would not have been so hellbent on killing the Ra'zac." He finished. Arya felt pity and remorse, and almost guilt for bringing up old wounds of Eragon. She looked at him and held her hand out to him as he once had before to her at the campfire.

"Eragon," She said quietly and soothingly, "You cannot and should not blame yourself for those actions. They were designed by fate. The only way to have made sure that would not have happened is to have never met Saphira. And you would not have wanted that." She answered.

To Arya's surprise, it was Eragon who signaled to her that the moment hand ended and she removed her hand. He then said to her, "Thank you." He paused for a moment before he said something else about Oromis and Glaedr. "What scares me the most, is that not only have I lost my father Arya, but one of the last things Glaedr said was alone. I am alone. Saphira and I are the last free riders which oppose the king. Oromis also told us that when the next egg hatches, we would have to teach them. On top of that, with Oromis gone, I am now the senior rider. I am not ready to do this alone..." Eragon could not continue speaking, as his tears had become a downpour.

One thing led to another, and Eragon was crying in Arya's arms. Arya just held him in silence, not knowing what to do. After a while, Arya decided that the kindest thing to do would be to let Eragon rest. She put her hand by his head, and said, "Slytha" Eragon plopped on the ground. She then added "May he have no dreams," in the ancient language. She put Eragon in his tent, and searched for Blodhgarm's mind, instructing him to allow nobody to disturb Eragon, and that she or he would wake him on the fourth day since the siege of Feinster., when they would leave for Belatona.

Arya then returned to her tent. She had felt a twinge of ease in her pain having spoken with Eragon. However, she was also confused. In such a short span of time twice she had opened up to Eragon, and twice they had hugged each other in comfort. They were only two other people that Arya had been as open with as she had been with Eragon. Her mother before the argument and when they reconciled, and Faolin. For a moment she pondered why she was so open around Eragon, happy that it distracted her from her thoughts of mourning. Finally overcome by weariness, she lied down on her cot. She then cast the same spell on her self to prevent dreams, wondering why she had not thought of it before, and then went to sleep. As she went to sleep though, she was also pondering Eragon's final words before he lost his composure. She quietly thought to herself, " No Eragon, you are not alone".
________________________________________________________________


Thoughts? I'm workin on chapter 2 right now

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 3:54 am 
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Don't get me wrong, it was really good. The only advice I could share is how it has so much speech. and you never really set the scene around Arya, as Christopher Paolini does :P

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 3:59 am 
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Nebbo wrote:
Don't get me wrong, it was really good. The only advice I could share is how it has so much speech. and you never really set the scene around Arya, as Christopher Paolini does :P



The first chapter she wa dreaming about being with Faolin, and this is 2 days after the battle for Feinster, i thought that was applied, sorry!

EDIT:


finished chapters 2 and 3.. need more comments...

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 10:12 am 
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I thought it was quite good actually, especially since you wrote it yourself. You have a future for writing books, I think.

I think the scene where Arya and Eragon met was touching and sad though.

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 3:59 pm 
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Apollo, I think your a decent writer, but I think it would be better if you would write your own story.

Sad as it is, none of us can compare to the writing of the original writer. Your degrading yourself by attempting to write this ;)

I think you got potential as regular writer, but this isn't the way to start out.



Also, note I might be a bit harsh, but I used to own a community with nearly 2000 (wannabe) writers (over 2k members, most were writers even though it was meant for all kinds of creativity) and I got kinda critical because of it XD

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:34 pm 
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Thanks numair and Jasp. But i can write better when im influenced, and the Inheritance cycle "influences" me in a wierd way. I guess its just cuz i REALLY like it? Lol anyway...




CHAPTER 2: IN HIS DEFENSE




Arya awoke in her plain tent. All which was in her tent was her pack, a table, a mirror, and a pack of her belongings. The cot she was in was much to hard for a comfortable sleep, but with the amount of hurt she had felt every day of her life since Faolin's death, she barely felt it. It was a small pinprick to what had been a dagger in her heart. A dagger which had lay there for over a year now. A dagger which a person by the name of Eragon had been helping pull out whenever they crossed paths.

The night before the two of them had a small conversation about the deaths of Eragon's loved ones. Arya knew the pain which Eragon was going through. In the last year, he had lost just as much as she had, and perhaps more. His true father, his master, and his brother, all had fallen victim to the dark king. Arya knew that the pain in Eragon's heart must have been immense.

She remembered the night she had grown upset over her talk with Eragon at the campfire. She remembered how she had finally felt comfortable enough around someone to speak about the loss of Faolin. Perhaps it was because she knew Eragon had lost so much as well, and the two could relate. No matter, Arya remembered how Eragon in an act of kindness had sung a flower to her to show he cared for her feelings and such. Me giving him the ability to sleep pales in comparison to what he did for me, She thought. I will have to find a way to show him I care for his feelings as well. Care...Arya's thoughts stopped upon that word. Arya realized that Eragon was the first person she had truly cared for since Faolin had died. Even when she and her mother had forgiven each other, they still for the most part tried to be self sufficient, the two of them scarred by the deaths of their loved ones.

Arya then sat up out of her cot and began to prepare for the day. She bathed. She felt as if she were immune to the soothing warm water as it coursed down her. When she finished, she then wore her usual black leather and black leggings of a male. She put her thin long sword upon her hip. Her usual stoic look upon her face. She then left her tent. Her first order of business for the day was to check up upon Eragon. She had left him in an enchanted sleep the night before, and they had today and the next day before the march to Belatona. If nothing interfered she was going to let Eragon rest until the next day. While she was not sure she believed it, as her grief had lasted so long, she heard that the only thing which could help one mend an emotional wound was time. She wanted to make sure Eragon had as much time as possible to gather himself before he did anything.

He went to Eragon's tent and saw that Saphira had already left for the day to do some reconaissance. Blodhgarm was standing at the entrance to Eragon's tent. Arya and Blodhgarm then exchanged the elven greetings. Arya spoke first.

"Is he still sleeping?" She inquired. He nodded.

"Aye, he is sleeping just as soundly as when we left him." He answered.

"Good, I want it to stay that way until we must leave." Arya replied.

"Of course, Arya Drottingnu." Arya surpressed a frown. She disliked being called formal names. Blodhgarm then stared into the distance for a moment and looked to Arya, "I think I have to wake him now. Nasuada is asking him for an audience."

Arya frowned then. "Do not. I will speak with her. She has no authority over me." Blodhgarm nodded. Arya then walked in the direction of Nasuada's tent. She saw several nighthawks there, a few urgals and a few humans. They were flaunting their strength though Arya felt she could dispose of all of them without breaking a sweat. She looked at one of the nighthawks and said, "I am here to speak in Eragon's stead."

One of the nighthawks nodded and yelled, "Mi lady, Arya, the Elven ambassador is here for an audience in Eragon's stead!"

Arya heard a slightly surprised and shocked Nasuada, "Send her in!"

Arya then entered the red tent. There was the dark skinned Varden leader in a red dress, cut off at the shoulders to expose her arms and reveal the scars of the trial of the long knives. Nasuada then greeted Arya with the elven gestures. Arya noticed that her mother was in the mirror and nodded at her. Nasuada then looked at Arya at first with some worry.

"Where is Eragon?" She asked. Arya answered,

"He is resting for the day. He won't be doing much until tomorrow." Nasuada had a flustered look on her face.

"Can you wake him? Queen Islanzadi said she needed to talk to him, and you for that matter." Nasuada replied.

"It should wait for until Eragon comes," The queen said across the mirror. Arya then continued,

"He is sleeping until myself or another elf wakes him, he will not be seeing anyone today." Arya said tersely. Nasuada had a flash of anger.

"Blast, we need to speak with him!" She yelled.

"And I am telling you that you may not." Arya answered. Her temper was starting to flare.

"He is my vassal! I am ordering him to be summoned!"

"And myself and the elves are not under your jurisdiction as to who we awaken or not. We are not going to wake him." Arya answered firmly.

"I cannot simply have my greatest weapon sleeping away today!" Nasuada roared. Arya was then starting to grow angry as her mother looked on.

"Weapon? Nasuada, Eragon is not a very powerful sword which you can just pick up and swing around! He is not an item! He lives and breathes just like we do! You should not call him so. He has feelings much like we do and feels pain like we do."

"I lost my father---"Arya cut Nasuada off.

"As did Eragon! He lost his home! He lost his uncle! And he just lost his masters! Eragon needs time to breathe as you and I do! He has lost just as much as either of us and perhaps more!" Arya's eyes were on fire with rage. She remembered how humans could be so ignorant at times.

"And how can you say you have lost as much as I?" Nasuada yelled back in anger. Arya nearly drew her sword at the statement and felt her eyes water.

"You do not know how much I lost the day I lost Saphira's egg." She said coldly.

Finally, Islanzadi interfered, "Nasuada, that is enough. It is that kind of childish ignorance that stopped the elves from openly supporting the Varden cause before. If you ever question my daughter on how much she has lost ever again I will not hesitate to react." Anger was in the queen's generally cold face. She knew exactly how much her daughter had lost. "Sit down." The queen said with authority. Nasuada slumped down on her seat in fright at the rage of the two most powerful elves, one of which was standing in front of her. Still standing near the mirror, Arya then heard her mother speak to her in the ancient language.

The queen then spoke to her, "Curious, why do you defend Eragon so zealously?"

Arya paused for a moment. She was about to say something but the words were blocked because it was not the truth. She then told a half lie, "He helped me with something, this is the only way I can think to repay him, to give him some time to rest and clear his mind."

The queen looked at her daughter for a moment and then back at the frightened Nasuada. "I will wait to say what I have to say until Eragon has had subsequent time to cope with his losses. End of discussion." The queen then quickly cut off the connection. Arya bolted out of the tent without hearing a word from Nasuada. She was unsure of where she was headed. She then realized she was standing in front of Eragon's tent, Blodhgarm still standing there. She then asked Blodhgarm if she could enter the tent. He consented. She walked inside and saw the sleeping Eragon, calmness upon his face. He was in a jet black tunic. She let a tear fall from her eye as she remembered the insult Nasuada had said to her. She caught it so that it would not hit Eragon's relaxed face. She remembered one of the most difficult memories of her life.

**************flashback*************************

"No Arya I will not allow it!"

"What! You won't allow me to ferry the sapphire egg?! I have already been exiled from your sight by you, and I am already the elven ambassador! I might as well for the good of Alagaesia!" Arya yelled back at her mother. The two of them were having an argument right in the middle of Tialdari Hall, with Brom and several of Islanzadi's guards along with a few elven lords in the audience. Brom was clutching the sapphire egg.

"And how do you expect to be protected from dangers Arya?!" The queen did not feel the sympathy or feelings to call her daughter her daughter.

"I am not a human female your highness, I can protect myself as you know, I can fight and defend myself soundly." She put bluntly.

"Arya, I have been fighting this war longer than you have. I have seen people die, I have seen my loved ones die during my time. I have had to kill many soldiers. I have been fighting this war and it is not glorious or simple. Do you honestly think you are up to that?! I do not think so!" Islanzadi roared.

"I lost father just as you did!" Arya answered back. Her eyes were starting to water.

"Enough! Unless you can find two body guards I forbid you from leaving this room with that egg! Brom will just have to find another egg bearer!" Islanzadi answered. Arya looked at Brom and he nodded in agreement with Islanzadi. Arya was on the verge of an even bigger outburst. She was not going to be denied in doing something for her race.

Suddenly, two of Islanzadi's finest bodyguards each put a hand on Arya's shoulders. Arya looked to her right and saw one whom she loved deeply. He then spoke in his soothing tone.

"I will go with her your highness, as will Glenwing." He said firmly. The queen with wide eyes looked at Faolin.

"What is this treachery? The two of you agreed you would not aid Arya in this matter!" Islanzadi said flustered.

"I am not helping her, I am helping someone I care about, and Glenwing is helping myself, so we are not breaking our vows. Arya is right, she is the most fit for this task and I am going to see this through," Faolin said cooly. The queen looked on in shock.

"And why do you defend Arya so adamantly?" The queen asked. Arya looked at Faolin and they nodded and their hands linked.

"She and I are mates. Her father gave me his blessing after he saw a vision of me and her. Perhaps if you had been more involved in her life you would have missed that little snag. I may be your bodyguard but I am bound to her in the greatest bond, which is more powerful than magic." Faolin said each word in the ancient language so it would run through Islanzadi's head with more emphasis.

Islanzadi then frowned in defeat and made one last attempt to block Arya's wish. "Faolin, if you do this, and you, Glenwing, also do this, the both of you will be charged with aiding one who has been exiled and will both be exiled as well. You are ready to be forever separated from Oromis, Faolin?"

"We have spoken of this and already said our goodbyes."

The queen then finally admitted defeat.

"Alright then, I name Arya as the the egg bearer. Now begone."

Arya then kissed Faolin on the cheek and whispered into his ear, "Thank you."

"I would do anything to stay near you and prevent you from getting hurt Arya."

**************************************************************

Arya then looked at the sleeping Eragon again. Why did I just defend him as rigorously as Faolin did with me?

She stood herself up and left Eragon's tent to return to her own and ponder the subject. She spent the rest of the day in seclusion as she usually did, though this time she spent a lot of the time thinking of why she did what she did in front of Nasuada and her mother.

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:32 pm 
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comment people! pweez!

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 5:21 am 
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Refrain from double posting please ;)

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 5:24 am 
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My comment nice?

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 Post subject: Re: My own book IV to the inheritance cycle: Breoal(Family)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 6:37 am 
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Jasper Alexander wrote:
Apollo, I think your a decent writer, but I think it would be better if you would write your own story.

Sad as it is, none of us can compare to the writing of the original writer. Your degrading yourself by attempting to write this ;)

I think you got potential as regular writer, but this isn't the way to start out.



Also, note I might be a bit harsh, but I used to own a community with nearly 2000 (wannabe) writers (over 2k members, most were writers even though it was meant for all kinds of creativity) and I got kinda critical because of it XD

You could see it as fanfiction ;)

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