Name: Zachariah Russell Medaris (proud of the name, biatch)

Name of partner in relationship: Jillian

Why the break up / conflict occurred: Her tits were not large enough to draw my attention from the computer. I'm guessing I'll need a girl with more sex appeal before they can win me over from this infernal (yet oddly addicting) machine.

Do you like coconuts: Funny you should ask.

This one time when I was 7 I bought a coconut from the grocery store with my allowance. I had (and still do have) this huge fascination with fantastical and magical things. Back then, I was quite convinced they were all possible. I thought the coconut was the famed mascot of Hawaii, so if I could gather the spiritual energy of enough of my friends and somehow shoot the coconut with a concentrated blast, I could open a portal that moves through dimensions and into Hawaii using the coconut as a corporeal medium.

The idea was that I would outline a huge circle with badass drawings inside and these little pictures that looked like magic runes all throughout the design, and use this to transmogrify the spiritual energy into a bullet and shoot the coconut with it. It was a pretty terrible circle (and I mean that the circle was more of a mutated oval), and the drawings made absolutely no sense, were not symmetrical at all, plus the runes looked like poorly drawn Kanji, but I didn't care because it would work anyways.

When I told my friends about my master plan, I got a lot of odd looks and stuff. Some people even had the nerve to ask me if I was crazy, to which I replied that they're just jealous because now they'll be dis-included from the transdimensional trip to Hawaii for insinuating that their Supreme Leader was somehow disconnected from reality. Some of my friends showed up on the big day, anyways, however. Their excuse was that they 'had nothing better to do', but I knew they wanted to teleport to Hawaii. Who doesn't?

When everyone was gathered into a circle around the circle and its fruity resident, I managed to convince them to dance to "I Like To Move It, Move It" by Reel 2 Real in a tribal style around the circle. We were all having fun, but after about 15 minutes of dancing like idiots around a coconut in the middle of a poorly drawn circle that looked more like Satan's calling than a portal-summoner (though they could easily be confused between one another, such an amateur mistake), motivation began waning. Bribes of delicious sweets and promises of first-picks on future adventures only get you so far.

Eventually, I realized that I was either not spiritually / magically strong enough to summon an inter-dimensional portal, I drew the circle wrong (this was quickly dismissed as impossible), my friends were too weak, or the coconut was not ripe enough.

So no, I do not like coconuts. They refuse to take me to Hawaii, so why should I give them my praise?

I don't read long posts so I assume everyone acts similarly

Kenny ignored me lol

Name: Jake
Name of partner in relationship: Ferr3t
Why the break up/conflict occurred: Idk, he just abandoned me
Do you like coconuts: No, Coconuts killed my Father my Grandfather and my Dog Rover, who did not die from the Coconut to the head but it did knock him unconscious where he was hit by a bus

I see your dilemma. My suggestions are quite simple.

First of all, look past the tits and see to the heart and the beauty of the entire body as well. Tits are great, but even they can get too large. Besides, you want a woman with a figure that makes you want to cry with envy.

Second of all, The correct coconut transmutation circle is very simple to draw. Instead of drawing it for you, I will list the directions here. First, start with a very very big sharpie. Perhaps one that is taller than you and even fatter(if it can be accomplished). Then I want you to draw a line from California to New York, to Texas, then to Mexico. Have a friend draw a line when you get on a plane to Alaska, from Mexico to Alaska. Then it's quite simple. Spin 3 times, shout OH OH OH CO CO NUT. OH OH OH CO CO NUT. Then turn around sharply and shout TUN OC OC HO HO HO!!! Perform a quintuple flip while on a unicycle and holding 9 bowling pins at the same time. (This is non-negotiable.) Then shout "OH GREAT COCONUT KITTY GOD KENNY!! TRANSPORT ME TO HAWAII AND GRANT ME MY WISH AFTER I DRINK OF THE CHALICE OF THE GODS!"

Drink pure coconut milk from the coconut, and you will find yourself at your destination.

You could also just take a plane to Hawaii.

Hey guys, I know this is spam, but at least try to follow the form and have fun with this topic. It's not funny when you're like "LONG CAT IS LONG GUYSTH!" and it takes away the overall hilarity occurring in this topic.

If you can't joke around in these posts and feel the need to troll me harder, I'll just stop posting. Serious.

-Posts merged-
Jake